Faith Over Flawless: Breaking Free from Comparison Culture

Camille McDaniel, LPC (00:05.62)
Welcome back to another episode. I am really glad to have you all here. Thanks again for like following us. We’re almost, I think we’re what, past 10 sessions at this point, or 10 episodes at this point, sessions on the brain. And what I want to talk to everybody about who’s listening today or watching on YouTube has to do with something that I think that we have experienced, especially for those of us

who may have services that are online, or we have a social media presence for our business and even for ourselves. And then this same thing kind of trickles down to the clients that we serve. And that has to do with comparison and perfectionism and social media. And so I know that this is going to touch someone. I know that there are people who are kind of struggling with the outward appearances of others.

comparing themselves to see am I on the right track? Am I doing it right? Am I enough? And so we are going to be talking with Caroline Ferrari today, a licensed professional counselor, and we’re just gonna have a real conversation about how this shows up in our lives and things that we need to be aware of and kind of help us through it. She’s gonna help us through it. So let me introduce you to her more formally.

a Carolinas licensed professional counselor, and she started her collegiate career by obtaining a bachelor’s degree from Presbyterian College in Clinton, South Carolina, where she was also a collegiate tennis player. And then after obtaining her undergraduate degree, she spent the next two years at the University of Georgia’s Clinical and Mental Health Professional Counseling Program. And from there,

She went on to help children and families who were suffering from a multitude of different challenges like PTSD and depression, anxiety, anger outbursts, nightmares, and just many other trauma-related challenges. So she’s also counseled children in an elementary school setting where she was helping them navigate challenges, but then she also worked with the parents to just develop some more effective communication and different techniques for them to just have

Camille McDaniel, LPC (02:27.66)
better relationships, more healthy relationships with their children. And she is trained in trauma focused cognitive behavior therapy, otherwise known as TFCBT. So thank you so much, Caroline, for talking with me today about this topic, because we’re going to kind of dive right on into this whole navigating perfectionism from a biblical stance in the age of comparison. And so thanks for joining.

Caroline Ferrari (02:58.591)
Yeah, thank you Camille for having me on. I’m very excited. I’m excited to talk about this topic, especially because not only have I seen it in a ton of clients and just friends, but also in myself. So this is exciting. I’m excited to talk on it.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (03:13.536)
Yes, so then we’ll dive right in and just can you kind of share your perspective on how you’ve noticed that like social media has just really influenced us in so many ways, even again, even us as mental health professionals, because we do sometimes look to see, you know, how someone else’s business going or we just got online and we saw that somebody’s practice is already full and ours is still building and we’re kind of wondering like, is…

What is it that they’re doing and how are they collecting these fees and how, you know, there’s just a lot that goes into that. And then for our clients, the same thing. We might be having challenges trying to convince them that, hey, I know that when you look online, it seems like everyone is holding it together. And it seems like everybody, you know, has this figured out, but you and everyone’s has friends, but you and on and on, know, so how do you notice?

that this is kind of showing up, that social media is kind of influencing our sense of self-worth, and especially when it comes to perfectionism and comparison.

Caroline Ferrari (04:25.581)
Yeah, so this honestly hits really close to home because right now my partner and I, did just open our practice and it has been a lot of comparison of how in the world are people finding clients, how are they marketing themselves, how are they getting themselves out there, what does that look like? And social media is a huge part of that now, which is wild to think about. So I guess first I’ll start off by

saying that social media 100 % can be used for empowerment and support.

And I support all of the accounts that have tried to create like a brand of authenticity that is so helpful to be able to see like so many fitness influencers that are out there. They’re like, you know, this is what my body looks like with lighting versus not. And I’m like, yes, girls show your authentic self. But especially with the invention of like photo editing apps, filters, buying followers, buying other brands, so much of the content.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (05:15.902)
Yes.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (05:25.09)
Yeah.

Caroline Ferrari (05:31.955)
we’re seeing these days has been altered and it’s it’s warping our sense of like what’s real and what isn’t. And influencers they’re like the new billboards and magazines. I mean they’re being used to sell products and you know we sell by convincing people that they aren’t good enough and need a product or item in order to be good enough. And that’s the whole brand of like marketing. It’s convincing someone that they need what you’re selling and the sad part about that

Camille McDaniel, LPC (05:34.508)
Yes.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (05:43.169)
Yes.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (05:56.416)
Yes.

Caroline Ferrari (06:01.305)
is because of this, we’ve created a generation of people who are always looking for the new best thing. And that’s really where I see that issue with what comes into our self-esteem and what that looks like and do I need this? Am I not good enough in the way that I am? And then that’s when that becomes hard. mean, even for my co-owner and I, like, are we not good enough? Is that why people aren’t coming to see us? And in reality, it’s just like, no girl.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (06:28.49)
Yes.

Caroline Ferrari (06:31.063)
like you’ve been open for like two months, you’re good. And I know the same thing goes for clients and like school. It’s like, okay, well, you I didn’t get an A plus plus plus on that assignment, but I studied for forever. Am I just not good at this topic or this content? It’s like, no, maybe you just had a bad day. And like that happens, that is, that’s life.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (06:53.046)
That is so true. I just to pick up on, cause everything that you said was so key and important. but one thing that you had mentioned when you’re talking about people buying likes and buying followers. And I was, I was a little blown away. Maybe I’m a bit naive, but I’m like, people are buying what? So, so then when people look and they’re like, they’re doing so much, but how did they?

How did they get that? How did they get these followers? How are they having all of this success? And sometimes it just happens to be that it’s not what you think, you know? And then other times, like you’re saying, like you and your business partner, you know, just opened up. And when you’re looking, you, you know, you have to kind of bring your mind forward to say, Hey, I’m actually like comparing, you know, our few months of being open to somebody’s like,

over decade of being open. You know, I know even for myself, there have been even this year, individuals who have contacted us for appointments or agencies that have contacted us because they wanted to get someone an appointment. And one of my one of the therapists in my practice, who’s a buddy of mine was like, Whoa, because she was getting a lot of referrals. She was like, you really must have been marketing a lot lately. And I’m like, please, I like I talked to that person last summer. I’m like,

was going to really go nowhere because I hadn’t heard from them. And here we are almost a year later, because at that time, this was earlier this year. And we’re getting like several referrals now. And so it’s like, sometimes it’s just a matter of waiting. And sometimes, like you were talking earlier, sometimes it’s just a matter of the fact that, hey, it’s not exactly what you think it is, because there’s something else going on behind the scenes. But

whether it’s us as business owners or whether it’s the clients that we serve, like it really can do a number on you so that you really find yourself being a little double-minded in it and having to try to pull yourself back. And for some of our clients, it becomes really difficult when that is kind of compounded with whatever other trauma, you know, that they’re dealing with or like, you know, anxiety kind of gets hard to see a clear picture. So I guess, you know, when

Camille McDaniel, LPC (09:16.064)
when we’re talking about that, why do you think, I don’t know, you know, why do you think that it has such this powerful pull on us where it’s really triggering these deep feelings of inadequacy or not measuring up? Like where do you think that’s even coming from?

Caroline Ferrari (09:38.295)
Yeah, so…

social media especially and especially with teens and even young adults, I mean 25 until that that brain is fully developed. We’re just trying to figure out the world and life and like social media thrives off of comparison and comparison is like a perfectionist kryptonite. They’re like, I love it and hate it at the exact same time. And like think about what you do when you scroll on Instagram for instance.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (09:55.864)
Mmm.

Caroline Ferrari (10:09.755)
Like I know I’m looking through like, ooh, I like that girl’s clothes. Where’d she get that click link? And then it brings up Amazon and it’s like, buy from me and you’ll get this. Or I like his hair. I really wish I had a body like that. Or I wish I had their life. It’s 100 % a highlight reel of someone’s life. And that doesn’t typically show like the struggle of what we go through on a day to day. And it creates like a fake sense that everyone

Camille McDaniel, LPC (10:29.41)
Yeah.

Caroline Ferrari (10:39.637)
everyone else is doing so much better than us and having fun while they’re doing it. They’re out there living their life. And in reality, life is hard and it’s okay that life is hard. And I think a lot of times, especially with that comparison, that social media, that looking out to others and what they’re doing, we start to be like, well, I’m not doing enough. And because of that, there must be something wrong. And so I think that kind of creates an

Camille McDaniel, LPC (10:48.546)
Good one.

Caroline Ferrari (11:09.503)
to that sense of…

inadequacy or not measuring up is because we’re just kind of confused. It’s like I don’t know where I’m supposed to be going right now maybe and then everyone else seems to be doing this. I don’t know if I need to follow this or maybe I’m trying but it’s not working out because it doesn’t feel authentic. And those highlight reels, that’s one of the biggest things that even I have to tell myself when I’m on Instagram or Facebook or when I’m looking through someone’s website out there.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (11:36.791)
Yeah.

Caroline Ferrari (11:41.411)
networking, talking to other counselors, other therapists. It’s like, okay, well, you know, everything sounds like it’s going great for them. But in reality, a lot of times it almost feels, you know, inadequate to share. No, it was actually a really big struggle the first couple years. Because especially in the US, the American dream, it’s like, you come to America and all your dreams come true and your goals are all there and pull your bootstraps up.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (11:48.856)
Hmm.

Caroline Ferrari (12:11.147)
I love that phrase. it’s like, no, that’s not realistic for everyone and everyone’s circumstances, especially when you do bring in experiences with trauma.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (12:12.762)
Yes. Yes. Yes.

Caroline Ferrari (12:26.507)
view and then you know there’s especially in the the Christian faith like bringing in the views of that and and what you were raised on versus where you’re trying to be now. So yeah it’s just it’s all about that perfectionist mindset of I need to be doing the most all the time and I need to be doing it perfectly all the time.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (12:37.612)
with me.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (12:50.934)
Yeah, that all the time part that, you know, that can be kind of feverish. I mean, it’s just like, whoo, that’s exhausting. Like are those what do you notice as far as symptoms that like show up for those clients who do struggle with perfectionism or even if for ourselves as mental health professionals that we are not even acknowledging. But are there certain, I don’t know, behaviors or thought patterns that you even notice kind of coming up as they’re comparing?

Caroline Ferrari (13:18.841)
Yeah, anxiety, 100%, it’s like the top, it’s just continuous on edge. The central nervous system is constantly firing. We are in fight or flight constantly. Another one is the inability to start tasks. I’ve seen that a lot that they’re like, well, I’m just worried that if I start and it doesn’t look or turn out the way that it’s supposed to, that it’s gonna feel like.

I shouldn’t have started. So instead of just like trying to get in there and be like, okay, I’m gonna do the best that I can. Instead it’s, well, I don’t really even wanna try because what if it doesn’t turn out? That is, well, know, depression. That feeling of hopelessness of what’s the point. You know, it really is, it does focus in on…

Camille McDaniel, LPC (14:03.351)
Yeah.

Caroline Ferrari (14:14.295)
that anxious, those anxious tendencies and those triggers of, you know, if I, if I begin this and it doesn’t look the way that I want it to look, then I’m going to feel like a failure and having to process through that and work through that can be extremely difficult for clients and even personally. you know, mentioning sports, I at one point played tennis and that’s very much like you are on your own. You’re on the court by yourself. You either.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (14:17.174)
Wow.

Caroline Ferrari (14:42.195)
win it by yourself or you lose it by yourself. And because of that, it’s just very difficult to get into the mindset of…

Caroline Ferrari (14:59.181)
Hello?

Camille McDaniel, LPC (15:10.472)
There we go. It just kicked me on out. So as you just asked earlier, like, is there editing ability? yeah, there is. I guess I will be using it.

Caroline Ferrari (15:28.089)
And I was like, I don’t know if I did something or-

Camille McDaniel, LPC (15:29.62)
You’re fine you’re absolutely that was all me it just was like your internet connection has dropped and I’m like, well, that’s great. So I’m so sorry Good night, so then please continue from wherever I dropped off and I will just cut to Wherever we start back up

Caroline Ferrari (15:42.384)
Perfect time for that.

Caroline Ferrari (15:56.249)
I’ll just, let’s see, I’ll start over with that. Okay.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (16:01.542)
Okay. And let me see, wait, let me pull up the question. What was that last question that I asked? I think it was, I was asking about the symptoms. How does it show up? Okay, so hold on, let me go right to there.

Okay, so can then you tell us like how does this show up? How does it show up when you’re when you’re a perfectionist? How does that show up when you’re comparing like what behaviors or thought patterns do you notice start coming up?

Caroline Ferrari (16:36.234)
So definitely a lot of anxiety, especially around starting tasks or completing tasks. I see a lot of the times where clients and even myself, I’m just like, well, I don’t really want to start because it’s not going to look that great, especially on Pinterest. I love a good Pinterest board. I’ve got like a million of them, but I will look at a photo and be like,

Can I make it look that good? Should I even try if it’s not gonna look like that? And bringing that back to, I work a lot with teens and for them they’re like, well, what’s the point in even doing this homework because I already don’t get it. I already don’t understand it. And so it’s that inability to start that task and then the ability to finish it if you don’t start it.

And then that as well as, you know, like a lot of depressive symptoms, that feeling of hopelessness, of feeling like, you know, there’s no point. It’s never going to be as good as I want it to be. So what’s the point in even trying? And, you know, I would like to relate it a lot to I played tennis in college.

And on the court, you win it by yourself or you lose it by yourself because it is just you. Especially when you’re young because you don’t, you’re not able to have your coach talking to you. Whereas in college, it’s a little different. You can have someone supporting you and you have your team. But especially as a kid, you’re on your own out there. And it built this sense of this is all my fault. And it honestly created like a mental block of I would get.

so nervous going out there that I would make myself like sick because I was just so concerned that I wasn’t going to win. And it’s it’s almost that mindset. I like to bring it into to session like it’s not the fear of it’s not the the wanting to win. It’s the fear of losing. And that’s a big a big thing. You can even bring it to life like it’s not like

Camille McDaniel, LPC (18:26.343)
Wow. Yes.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (18:43.412)
Hmm

Caroline Ferrari (18:49.355)
I am so concerned with winning. It’s I’m so concerned about losing and not living where I’m supposed to be.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (18:53.518)
What?

That’s perfectly stated because I guess when you think about it, you know, it’s not like that people are always trying to be at the top level, right? Or when you talk about building a business, it’s not like people are saying, I have to be the star business, you know, in this whole entire region. It’s just, please let me have enough money to pay these bills, you know, please let me be able to, you know, afford to get sick. You know, it’s like,

I don’t have to be the very best, but I just don’t want to fail. so, yeah. And so then going back to, like you said, not trying or not trying with full intensity, because what if I try and fail? And so maybe it’s better to just not try at all than to actually try and fail. Woo. Okay. So then, you know, what do we, you know, as, as Christian counselors,

Caroline Ferrari (19:51.033)
Thank

Camille McDaniel, LPC (19:55.7)
how do we kind of work through this understanding the difference between striving for that perfectionism, that worldly perfectionism where others are judging like how good are you? How good is your practice? Or how smart are you? How built are you? All of those things compared to holding on and finding contentment in who we are in Christ.

Caroline Ferrari (20:20.729)
Mm-hmm, yeah.

So I think this definitely starts with understanding that worldly perfection is based on worldly things and views. As humans, we’re flawed and we experience sin, which changes the worldview that we operate from, but God has something so much bigger for us and a purpose that most times we aren’t fully aware of. We’re kind of just being up and around like, well, I feel like I’m just kind

kind of vibing right now and in reality that vibe is setting you on a path to something that we don’t even know where it’s going. And you know, with my clients and friends and even myself, I like to talk about spiritual gifting. So how we’re each given a skill or a set of skills specific for God’s purpose that he’s created for us as an individual. And if we’re important enough to be given a specific task and gift,

by God to fulfill that task, then why in the world should we think that we need to change in order to be more like someone else? And, you know, I always say two things can be true. We can be amazing and valuable while also being completely opposite from someone else who is also just amazing and valuable as well.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (21:42.12)
Yeah, that’s a fairly important part. And I guess then we have to lean into that last part of what you said, that those two things can be true. It’s not because I see this person over here doing all the things that then I, in comparison, am less than. It’s just that I have different things that I can be rocking. Yeah, I like that a lot. Thanks. And so do you have a scripture?

Like, do you have a verse in particular from the Bible that you find is kind of helpful when clients are struggling in this way?

Caroline Ferrari (22:18.541)
Yeah, so the verse that’s kind of always stuck with me and my clients as well is 2 Corinthians 12, And it’s, but he said to me, my grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ’s power may rest on me. And just like, like wow.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (22:43.476)
Wow, yes.

Caroline Ferrari (22:45.003)
Like sitting, like seeing that verse tells me that in no way did God expect for us to be everything all the time. Like he is not requesting us to be perfect for him, but instead he expects us to lean on him. That’s why he’s there. He’s a father, right? Like your father at home isn’t like, well, you’ve got to make sure you get all A’s constantly and you need to be the top of your class and you need to be the most kind and respectable. Like that’s a lie. And he does not ask for that from us either. And I mean, even look at the con-

of grace. There’d be no need for grace if God expected us to be perfect at all times because then you’d just be like, no, you know, like you’re not allowed to mess up. So there will be no forgiveness. And what’s the point in having those words like grace and forgiveness if he didn’t already assume that it was going to be needed?

Camille McDaniel, LPC (23:24.818)
Right.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (23:35.612)
Yeah. So then that really for us, especially for us as business owners is really saying that we need to sometimes maybe I’m talking for myself, like, you know, everybody else will get their own message from this, but stop trying to do all the things all the time. You know, you can’t cover all of it. You can’t, you know, be perfect in the way that you do it. You’re human. And so in your human this you’re flawed.

Like, you know, you were mentioning that, I believe, when we were talking today earlier. And this is the opportunity for the Lord to come in and show you just what He can do as you put your faith in Him and you lean on Him, which is what He desires. He desires for us to turn to Him, to lean on Him, to walk with Him. So it’s like, you know what? I can show up strong if you let me, if you let me, you know, but if you hold on to that idea that you have to be perfect.

you don’t really let me in then. yeah, that’s, yeah, that’s something that we really have to continue to work with. And then I know obviously we’re always trying to help our clients develop that. And so what are some things as you’re working with your clients on this, different strategies or, you know, just different things that you’re working, different techniques to just help them even have like better boundaries and better awareness.

as it relates to like comparison or social media or anything that’s like feeding these perfectionistic tendencies.

Caroline Ferrari (25:11.875)
Yeah. So, you know, like we mentioned earlier, I’m very much trauma focused. And with trauma, no matter the age, I always like to start from the beginning.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (25:18.749)
Mm-hmm.

Caroline Ferrari (25:25.141)
So I tend to start out by focusing on their earliest memories of comparison. Typically with all that presenting concerns, the behaviors were adapted as a means to protect ourselves or to serve the client, right? Like we’re coming up with these behaviors in order to keep ourselves safe. And this does not always mean they’re helpful long-term or even quote a, you know, healthy coping mechanism. But it did stem from a

Camille McDaniel, LPC (25:39.891)
Yeah.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (25:51.194)
how did it…

Caroline Ferrari (25:55.177)
Right? Like we created this because we needed it. We needed it to be able to get through the day. So I like to start there.

which gives us the ability to start breaking down some of those past thought patterns and beliefs. And after we’ve spent some time learning what those comparisons are and where they come from, that’s when I begin to implement the importance of the gifting and the grace that I mentioned earlier. I like to spend a ton of time determining the things that my client enjoys doing and feels good while they’re doing it. We then use those hobbies or personality

Camille McDaniel, LPC (26:09.172)
you

Caroline Ferrari (26:32.581)
traits or ways of thinking to process how God has given them that specific gift to do his work through them. By placing individual and specific purpose in the relationship between my client or myself or my friends and the amazing qualities that God’s hand picked for them, they kind of start to open up to the idea that everyone, like including themselves, is extremely valuable for the innate things they bring to this world, right? And then with that comes the idea

of, you know…

why perfectionism is unattainable is because we all are different. And so how can someone be perfect if we’re all needed for a different design and making this world a better place and a place full of love and grace and forgiveness? Because we all have that purpose and without each one of us, the world would look completely different. But imagine if we all looked the same, all acted the same.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (27:24.038)
Yeah.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (27:33.62)
Right. Yeah, I know.

Caroline Ferrari (27:34.649)
That would be very black and white and quite frankly, in my opinion, a tad bit boring. Because it’s like you’re meeting yourself every single time. It’s like, okay, cool, there’s another one of me. So, I’m with that.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (27:40.816)
Right, Right. Absolutely. And, and definitely not at all reflective of like the very multifaceted nature of God. Like, you know, it’s just like, there would be no way. What do you, what do you notice as far as like, just kind of, I want to say safe, healthy ways that we can

Caroline Ferrari (27:56.088)
Yeah.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (28:09.492)
kind of like use social media so that it better aligns with our faith and as much as possible kind of like lessens the opportunity where we get drawn into looking at what others are doing and comparing ourselves and getting kind of caught back up in that like negative loop.

Caroline Ferrari (28:11.981)
Mm-hmm.

Caroline Ferrari (28:30.413)
Yeah.

so I love that you mentioned like, how do we still use it, but put a boundary around it because the goal is not to completely take social media out of the picture, right? Like, because it can be extremely beneficial, can be extremely, informative. so for instance, I love a good screen time limit. I actually have one on my own Instagram and Facebook, you know, do I sometimes decline it and give myself a little extra 15 minutes?

Camille McDaniel, LPC (28:41.62)
Right.

Caroline Ferrari (29:01.259)
Yes, which like, there you go, perfectionism. As by like, I don’t always use it fully. I sometimes give myself the full day.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (29:01.81)
Okay.

Caroline Ferrari (29:13.253)
But it’s typically so that I don’t spend endless hours just scrolling and seeing just mindless content that’s not intentional. And that can be done right from the settings in your phone, or you can get an app actually. Someone that I know has an app and it makes you put in a passcode in order to…

Camille McDaniel, LPC (29:17.544)
Yeah.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (29:33.108)
Caroline Ferrari (29:34.905)
change your time limit for the day. was like, probably need that because the one little button’s a little easy. So it gives you that extra step of like, okay, do I really want to add time or have I had enough? You know, another great technique is to do a deep cleanse on the content that you see. Go through your follow list and potentially like muting accounts or even deleting accounts.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (29:36.689)
Nice.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (29:40.264)
Yes.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (29:47.4)
Yeah.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (29:54.356)
I’m on.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (30:00.915)
Yeah.

Caroline Ferrari (30:02.125)
that maybe create a sense of unhelpful comparison or self judgment, or just kind of make you just feel bad, right? Like that’s, social media is not mandatory. It’s supposed to be something that, that uplifts us. And so being more intentional about the content we decide to follow to ensure that it is uplifting and it’s like aligning with our own personal goals for growth.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (30:08.798)
now.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (30:15.486)
right.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (30:26.75)
that’s good and I’ve had to use some of that, especially because I think a lot of us were very sensitive to what we view online and some things when you’re talking about like if it just makes you feel bad, there are some posts, they’re just stressful and the particular poster tends to just kind of put out a lot of the same and I definitely have had to say like, okay, at this time in my life, I’m gonna have to like pause that or I’m gonna have to, know, kind of not subscribe right now.

It’s just a little too much. And so really kind of then as we are working toward putting those guidelines, then how do you help either yourself or your clients to just cultivate more of the positive, just more gratitude for the gifts and the talents we do have, more joy for the life that we do have, despite all of the different highlight reels.

that may be floating around us.

Caroline Ferrari (31:27.373)
Yeah. Honestly, this is something that I currently am in battling with because I tell my clients and I tell my friends constantly like, hey, this is so helpful. Like get in there, get this working. And then me, I go home and I’m like, I’m just so tired and I really don’t want to do it. But it’s.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (31:46.962)
Yes, but that’s so real, right? For a lot of us. That’s so real. Yeah.

Caroline Ferrari (31:52.41)
And it’s a lot of it. challenge myself a lot right now. I actually have to have an accountability partner. My friend and I are doing this together. But finding some time to spend with the Lord.

I’m sure we all know like that feeling when you walk out of a church service or you listen to worship music. It’s almost like you can conquer the world, almost like you’re like floating. I know like me personally, I find it hard to leave angry or negative after like having intentional time with the Lord because it’s like, whoo, like I’ve just been baptized again. And so yeah, like finding that time, whether it’s, you know, a Bible study,

Camille McDaniel, LPC (32:16.254)
Yeah.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (32:23.266)
you

Camille McDaniel, LPC (32:27.144)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yes, Yes.

Caroline Ferrari (32:37.316)
Whether it is worship music in the car But then aside from that like surrounding yourself with friends and community who lift you up and appreciate you for you is Imperative like no matter how much work you put in on your own in therapy Books all of that if you are surrounded by those who are not equally yoked to the goals that you have for yourself Especially as it relates to how you want to like view yourself and the world around you it can make that challenge

even harder and as you know some more specific techniques I suppose you know journaling I love a good gratitude walk of just being like wow those flowers it’s it’s this is my squirrel brain but driving over here there’s a set of flowers that I look at every single day and I’m like

Camille McDaniel, LPC (33:13.682)
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yes.

Caroline Ferrari (33:30.329)
Thanks God for those flowers. they’re beautiful. And it’s something so simple. It doesn’t have to be something huge. Like, I am so thankful for the economic state of the world because blah, you know, like just.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (33:42.856)
Yes, right?

Caroline Ferrari (33:44.535)
to be professional. can literally be like, that flower is like beautiful. And I’m so glad I saw that today. Or a candle scent. I love a good vanilla candle scent. And it’s like, wow, thank you for that. And then the last one’s volunteering. I don’t know if there’s a better way to be able to be.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (33:50.355)
Run.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (33:56.926)
plan.

Caroline Ferrari (34:06.073)
grateful for the experiences and the life and the circumstances that you have than to go and to volunteer. It’s an intentional way to both help, but then also to be like, you know what, I am so grateful that I am able-bodied, I have the time, I have the circumstance where I can go and I can, you know.

go to an animal shelter and help caring for them, loving on them. You know, it’s just intentionally finding that joy through your own life experience. And that’s sometimes the hardest thing to do when you’re stuck in that rut. But just like slowing down. Ultimately, all of these things are like slowing down and just living in your life and being like, OK, you know what, if today all it is, is that

Camille McDaniel, LPC (34:32.142)
huh.

Caroline Ferrari (34:59.775)
I got up today and I put my shoes on. It’s like, there you go, gratitude. It’s not every day is gonna be like your birthday, where everyone’s like celebrating. I wish it was, that’d be awesome. And maybe you do have friends where every day is like your birthday, but that would be great. But life gets hard and it gets stressful. So it is put on us a lot for that. And so even the smallest steps, those are helpful.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (35:05.172)
Alright.

Right.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (35:12.574)
Yeah.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (35:26.216)
Yeah, and those are actually, I find that those are really big steps, know, even though, like you said, they are just so simple. They’re small steps, but they actually are really big because first of all, they get us back to our anchor, Christ Jesus. And they allow us to have time with him, even if like you said, coming into work, you pass by those flowers and it’s like, thank you Lord that I can even see this great creation, right?

Thank you, Lord, that I can experience whatever other things, maybe if you’re taking a walk and there’s a gentle breeze, you know, the idea that you’re taking the walk, that you can walk. You know, like, I think no matter what our ability or not, we can always find something to be thankful for and really dive into what that means. I thought about this when my son was saying a prayer and he was thinking,

thanking God for things he was thinking God for his brother and and and his little brother and all these things enough I’m just kind of listen in and all and and then he got to a point where it was so simple but it it hit me and in a different way he thanked God that he has this little brother and he said and I also thank you that we have separate beds so to sleep in so that he can have his own space thank you God it’s so I was just like what

But you know, it reminded me of years ago when I worked at a children’s shelter and the children would some say prayers, some of them would say their prayers. And I thought here’s, he’s thanking God that they have separate places to sleep in and thanking God for their beds. And there were kids that we supported and cared for while they were in our shelter who came from spaces where they didn’t have beds. They didn’t have beds because nobody could pay for a bed.

They didn’t have beds because they just got evicted and all their stuff was in the last place they lived and now they had no bed. And so it’s like, sometimes we may feel like things are so small. Like you’re saying, know, it’s like just a little thing, but when we actually take a step back to think of how the world works and the different experiences that people have in the world, it’s really not that small to say, thank you that I have a bed. You know, thank you that, you know, it’s, you know, I have air conditioning.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (37:48.19)
Thank you for the simple things and thank you for the big things. Thank you for it all. Right? You know, so that can be really helpful. think definitely if we practice that, like regularly, just every day, just working on being thankful, knowing that it doesn’t mean everything’s gonna be perfect, right? It’s gonna be some days that are super hard and it may be a major struggle to even reach that thank you. But you know, the word of God also says draw near to God and he’ll draw near to you.

And so it’s like, even if on those days it’s like, father, I am really, I’m like army climbing or army crawling to like that, thank you. But I’m gonna get there nonetheless, just help me. So thank you for sharing that. Is there anything else that you would like to leave us with before we say goodbye for today?

Caroline Ferrari (38:24.247)
Yeah.

Caroline Ferrari (38:43.149)
Yeah, I just want to encourage anyone that’s listening and if this is resonating with you to remember that the feeling is temporary. Feelings are waves. In some seasons there’s more waves. Sometimes there’s a hurricane. But they do come and go. And that you are given gifts, divinely given to you by God at birth.

for His purpose and they’re important, like more important than we can imagine and that you’re loved. And so remember that no matter how tough it gets and no matter how down you might feel day to day, second to second even, that you’re made in God’s image and that your journey is unique to you, not to anyone else, but you have your own journey and embracing that individuality and trusting that God’s equipped you with everything that you

you need for the past that he has laid out for you. Perfectionism isn’t the goal, authenticity and growth. That’s what we’re looking for. And he’s given you everything that you need. And he’s building you to be whoever and to do whatever he is meant to have you do. And so just remembering that like it’s temporary and that we’re gonna get through it, whether it’s by journaling, talking to someone,

Camille McDaniel, LPC (40:00.82)
Nah.

Caroline Ferrari (40:12.535)
you know therapy or friend-wise no matter what like that community is going to be the biggest help.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (40:18.982)
Yes, thank you so much. And just one final thing, Caroline, can you tell us where we can connect with you? So Caroline is in Georgia, you know, for those who are hearing this and are needing continued support, ongoing support or needing to refer, Caroline has a practice in Georgia. And where can we find you?

Caroline Ferrari (40:43.063)
Yes, so I am currently, it’s called Soul Haven Counseling is our office and my wonderful, wonderful co-owner, Sarah Erdman Jordan, she’s with me as well. And you can find us on www.SoulHaven and that’s S-O-U-L-H-A-V-E-N Georgia, fully G-E-O-R-G-I-A.com or just email us directly at office at soulhavengeorgia.com.

We would be happy to have a call, see if we’re what you’re looking for. And if you’re like, not really vibing, then we will help you find somewhere where it’s gonna be your place. That’s ultimately our goal is just to make sure that no matter what, if someone contacts us, we’re going to help them find what they need.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (41:31.486)
Thank you so much. It’s been wonderful talking to you today.

Caroline Ferrari (41:37.763)
Yeah, thank you for having me on. This was amazing.

CPP Ep. 13 Faith Over Flawless: Breaking Free from Comparison Culture