Breaking Free: Addressing the Darkness of Pornography

Camille McDaniel, LPC (00:45.046)
Welcome back. If you are new, welcome back. If you are someone who has continued to listen through the beginning and we’re on what episode I think this is 16. Welcome back. It is so wonderful to have you today. I’m going to be talking about a topic that I’ve seen increase over the years in my practice. Not something I specialize in, but definitely something that has traveled with.

clients that I support even clients who are underaged and that is the topic of pornography and helping clients to just break free and helping to address the challenges that they may be having with pornography in your in your practice. Like I said, this is not a specialty that I have.

but I’ve just noticed that in supporting my clients over the years, there’s something that just, know, it’s something that comes up. And oftentimes because of some of the embarrassment and shame behind it, it is actually not something that comes up right away, at least in my experience. And that’s probably because that’s not one of my areas of specialization. So it’s not as though they are seeking me out in order to work through that issue.

It’s oftentimes that after we have developed some counseling relationship and we have addressed many of the other challenges that they have come to me for, that that is something that will come up. And so today I just want to kind of take a little look at the whole topic of pornography and just, you know, how we might be able to help our clients in Christ to battle it and to deal with it. And, you know, even if your clients are coming,

and they don’t have a faith base in Christ, maybe there’s something in this episode that will allow you to still help them nonetheless to be able to work through what they are going through. You know, the first thing that kind of comes up in my mind when I think about pornography and many other different types of issues when it comes to what we view, what we allow in our ear gates and our eye gates and…

Camille McDaniel, LPC (03:06.296)
as it relates to human bodies and sex and joy and excitement and all of those things that pornography kind of tends to offer on the front end. Although what it offers on the back end is quite dark. It’s just the differences in what we hear in the world today. I was listening to a podcast actually not too long ago, maybe just a couple of weeks ago, and a video podcast that had

some person who is high up in the ranks, if not maybe close to the creator of Pornhub. And this gentleman was on talking about Pornhub and he had a woman with him who I think may have been like marketing director or something very high up in that organization. And it was very interesting how he was talking about Pornhub as a tool that really could help couples find their creativity and help them even get

closer relationships to one another and help all of the things of helping and helping and helping. even in our mental health field, I recalled just some conversations that I had seen go on in group settings that I belong to where the topic of pornography or even a porn addiction and people were really even arguing whether or not a porn addiction is real or if sex addiction could be real.

You know, so it just shows kind of the contrast of what many in the world may think versus what we might see according to our faith in Christ. And so, you know, out there outside of Christ, or for some people, they may have positive things to say about pornography. They may talk about how it’s helped their relationship and helped them be more creative and help, you know, bring closeness and all of that.

What I have found in my practice, as it just kind of spills into the counseling room and it’s not really the main reason that people are coming, is that it’s not really something that has created a bond in a marriage. And if it happens to be someone who is a youth, it’s not really actually even created freedom for them. And not because everyone around them

Camille McDaniel, LPC (05:32.706)
You know, because I can almost hear the skeptics saying, yeah, but you know, we’re in a society where that’s not promoted and sexuality is not appreciated and in that way and freedom of it and all of that. But I actually recall a client who was not yet 18 and they had a parent who told them it’s quite normal for them as a male to watch pornography, no issue with it. And they had the young, the young

that I was counseling had the awareness, had the knowledge and wisdom to say, but I don’t feel right and I feel as though it’s taking over and I feel that I’m having to do things that I shouldn’t be doing in order to cover this up. And I don’t like the way it makes me feel after and I need help because I can’t stop. And all of that seems problematic.

You know, when it’s something that you want to stop, but you find yourself hooked, hooked to a feeling, hooked to a sensation, know, hooked to the whole, the whole experience. And it’s not leaving you feeling better, but almost like, you know, like an addict who needs more of a hit, who needs more of a high. It calls you back and calls you back. And you find that it starts consuming your thoughts and it starts consuming how you plan your day even.

That doesn’t sound like anything that gives us freedom, that gives us true fulfillment and joy. That sounds like something that is slowly creating a ball and chain around us. Something that is slowly allowing you to be its slave, where it tells you what to do, how to do it, when to do it. And you don’t feel free to just celebrate and talk about it with other people. So it’s very interesting how I’ve…

kind of just notice the differences between what the world has said about it and how the picture that’s painted seems to be so much different than what I experience with my clients in sessions whenever this does come up. They’re overly stressed about it. They’re not actually getting, like I said, fulfillment from it. And it causes somewhat of a dark cloud for them because they just feel like there’s this heaviness that they’re carrying that they literally can’t break.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (07:58.772)
away from. mean, I mean, clients who they are adults now and can recall starting to view pornography even as a child, whether they were introduced by a sibling, whether they found some of their parents and never said anything, whether they saw it at someone else’s house. You know, it just kind of seems like the seeds were planted so early.

And know the enemy is going to work smarter, not harder. And so these seeds that are planted early kind of just grow and lie in wait for the right time. And they grow and they sprout. And they just really kind of people in. And so there’s going to be a lot of you who are listening who may actually have already had clients who have.

come up with this issue in session. And for some of you like myself, this is not your area of specialization and you may not exactly know how to approach it. And so that’s kind of another reason why I wanted to talk about this today. It bothers me. It bothers me to see my clients bound in any kind of dark thing that is not adding fulfillment to their life. It bothers me to see young people bound.

by something like this so early. Even having clients talk about finding that their children had been watching it and you know, just so many ways that we as adults and even children are just being kind of caught up and trapped. mean, just freely, you can see pornography online. But I remember at one point there was even one app that after a certain hour,

I don’t know which social media platform this was. They did change it though. They did change it. But after a certain hour, pornography was like free, you know? And so just wild and crazy, the world that we live in. But we want to look at how can we kind of help? What perspective do we need to take? And I know that research is a little split in this area. So there’s research that definitely shows.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (10:21.144)
how viewership of pornography over time can give people like a high in the pleasure senses of their brain, similar to the way people get a high from, you know, like doing drugs, like amphetamines, uppers, you know, it gives you that major pleasure sensation that leaves you wanting to come back. And that has caused a lot of…

challenges a lot of devastation for people as well as couples but then you’re going to also find that there is some research that says there’s also benefits right so you know how how do we kind of help our clients in this way one one of the things that i know is that it really does impact a person’s relationship with the lord it really does

I mean to the point where they feel like they can’t come to the Lord because they have this thing on them and they kind of shy away from God because they’re feeling embarrassed even though even though that is the time we should run to him fully we don’t want to wait and run to him when we think that we’re good enough no no no no you run to him fully flaws and all he’s he has told you

His strength is made even the more great in our weakness run to him. But for a lot of clients, that is something that they don’t carry to the Lord. And for some of them, they don’t know. They don’t know to carry it to him. The other thing that kind of gets distorted too is just what intimacy should look like within a relationship. Because there’s a certain way that people have developed.

a way to please themselves and it didn’t involve their spouse oftentimes. And so now in order to have a relationship there have been times where there’s just extra things that they need to bring into the bedroom whether it’s concepts, whether it’s ideas, whether it’s actual physical things in order to get that same feeling. It takes away

Camille McDaniel, LPC (12:39.286)
from the intimacy that can be developed between just the husband and the wife. so there are, again, there are so many things that the world will say is going on, but what I have seen in my practice has been opposite. And usually when kind of talking to a client about kind of like where…

Where is this showing up or not where but when? When is this showing up the most? know, when do you find yourself wanting to view pornography? What are you using it for? You know, those are questions that we want to look into with our clients because it’s not always just about them wanting sexual high. For some clients, it actually is because it’s their go-to for boredom.

It’s their go-to for loneliness. It’s their go-to when they are frustrated and overwhelmed, so they can get a release from the overwhelm, so that they can have something to do with their time that makes them feel good, so that they can envision, for some of them, envision themselves in a better light than they find that they feel about themselves in the real world. And then in one particular case, I even had a

young person tell me they thought it might help them to know what to do when the time comes. And so they started to kind of use it almost as research. So we want to identify when is this being used in what way is it being used just the way we would find out how it was being used if it was food, if it was you know, something else that a person was leaning on that was not that was not

promoting health and overall wellness. And after we find out, what are they use? At least this is some of where I go in my counseling with my clients. After we find out what are they actually using this for, then what we have to do is be able to not only find other ways for them to deal with that particular thing, whether it’s boredom, whether it’s loneliness, whether it’s frustration.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (15:03.65)
But oftentimes we want to get to the root of the loneliness, the root of the boredom, the root of the insecurity. Where’s that coming from? Let’s start digging up that root. Let’s go processing those things. And then in the midst of it, let’s start allowing ourselves to actually feel and then find other healthier solutions.

So let’s feel the boredom because sometimes I have clients, they don’t even want to feel bored. They don’t even want to feel the loneliness. There’s such negativity attached to it. But you know, we want to be able to somewhat allow ourselves to neutralize that boredom is not going to kill us. Is it uncomfortable? Yes. Can we sit with being uncomfortable? Just a little bit, just a little bit so that you can give yourself your mind.

some time to actually think of a positive solution. We don’t have to, you know, we don’t have to rush, rush, rush and get it off of us. So let me hurry up and find something. Let me hurry up and find something. I don’t even want to feel this feeling. So we want to slow our clients down, you know, it’s kind of slow our client down to feel the boredom or recognize when loneliness is popping up and stop and think about what in this moment is making you feel lonely. Was it an interaction that was a bit disappointing?

Was it something else that you’re remembering? You know, there certain thoughts that you’re having about yourself that makes you feel lonely? Let’s deal with the root issue that’s popping up first and not run to the pornography for a fix. And then, you know, after we start challenging that, then one of the other things, especially for my clients who have a faith in Christ, whether they are

going to church or haven’t been to church in many, many, years, they still believe. And so now one of the things that you oftentimes find yourself having to work with is helping them find their way back to a relationship with Christ because they feel like embarrassed or they feel like not good enough. Like I, you know, kind of was mentioning before and it’s, and that’s, that’s not how God works. He wants you. He wants you. Come on.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (17:28.322)
Come on with all the issues, with all the challenges, with all the things, bring them all to him. And sometimes clients don’t necessarily view it that way. They’re not sure if they’ll be accepted. Well, first of all, because sometimes they’re not accepted by people around them if they were even honest, talk honest enough to feel comfortable to talk about it. And so they kind of project that same thing onto God and feel like, he’s probably.

not going to want me in his midst after you know some of the things I saw or some of the things I did and that that is just a trap of the enemy which allows our clients to circle around and around in darkness so they feel alone in all of this and they feel as though there is no way to come back from it but we all we know that’s a lie we know that’s a lie and so start to kind of encourage clients to to seek out the Lord and I

I remember I had somebody really, really, really cool client, know, some of your clients sometimes they’re just cool personalities, right? And this person was struggling real bad with that. And the Holy Spirit just gave me a couple of scriptures to give them. And I’m gonna share those and you may have some as well. And so if you happen to be watching this on YouTube and you have some scriptures and some experience and some resources.

that you think can benefit other counselors to help their clients be free, please put that in the video below. And if you happen to be listening to this on Spotify or Apple iTunes and there’s a place where you can comment, go ahead and comment and leave some tools and tips. If you happen to be on the Christ in Private Practice website, go ahead and leave this under this particular episode.

It’s, you know, we want to be able to help others to, to heal their clients and we want clients to be set free. And, and if there are clinicians who are listening to this, because, Hey, we’re people, right? And if there are clinicians who are struggling with this, I want you to be set free. You know, I want us all to have our eyes open to what God is, is calling us into.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (19:49.652)
and he’s calling us into being new beings in Him old things pass away. No condemnation. We ask for forgiveness. We repent of our sins. We ask the Lord to help us as we step forward in a new way. And so the scriptures that the Holy Spirit gave me for him was Ephesians 6,

verses 10 through 18. really, I really enjoy this passage. It starts off with, it’s not the, this is not the whole thing, but it starts off with saying, finally, my brethren be strong in the Lord and in the power of his might put on the whole armor of God that you may be able to stand against the wilds of the devil.

For we do not fight against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. And then it goes on from there as you continue to read to talk about what the armor of God is, know, from the blessed breastplate of righteousness and the sword of the word. And like, you know, it just keeps on going because

we are dealing with, we are dealing with all the time. Things that are trying to trap us, snare us, hold us up, right? And not just us, it’s trying to work, like have no misunderstanding about how darkness works. Darkness is not just coming for you or just coming for the client, it’s coming for anyone that may come from that client, right? You know, again.

If I could touch one person and touching one person is going to cause many others to stumble, then let me just work on this one person. The next scripture that I was given for this individual was from Psalm 139 verse 23 through 24. And that is, me, O God, and know my heart. Try me and know my anxieties and see if there is any wicked way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (22:01.154)
Now let me just stop here and say, Holy Spirit kind of directed me to these passages for this individual, for them to use as a prayer. So again, this individual believed in Christ and may not have necessarily had as strong of a relationship, desired one and wasn’t always sure.

what to pray or in what way. And so these were kind of given and I’m like, you know, these are things that the Bible says, but also these are ways that you can call on the Lord and ask him specifically for what you need and ask him to help you. so asking him, but also having information about what you need to do. And then this was another scripture that I was given Psalm 51 verse 10 through 11.

and says, create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from your presence and do not take your Holy Spirit from me. So these are all again.

different prayers that can be prayed directly and also information about the darkness that we are going to encounter and how we armor ourselves up daily in order to come against it. There were just a few other things then that I suggest and like one of which is to have

to have clients not keep their silence. If they have a support system, if they have someone who they really trust, don’t carry that heavy load by yourself. Matter of fact, if your therapist is the first person you told, congratulations, right? Because them telling us is one major victory in not standing in darkness by themselves. And it takes a lot sometimes.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (24:11.874)
to these things even in a counseling session because our clients don’t always know how are we gonna take it. They hope we don’t judge them. They’re human and not just about like, you I hope they don’t judge me because this is a faith-based experience. For some people it might be, but just in general, I hope they don’t judge me because I didn’t tell them this. They didn’t know any of this about me. I’ve been seeing them for a year. I’ve been seeing my…

them for six months and they didn’t know the side of me and I hope they don’t see me differently. You know, so it’s important for us to just have the mindset that knows, you know what, our clients are struggling with a lot of different things. I’m not going to see you any differently. Life is a struggle. There are a lot of different things that are going to try to trap us up and there are a lot of things that sometimes trap people. So no, if you come and you share it, congratulations for taking that, that heavy load off.

of your shoulder and being open to sharing that with me so that I can walk this journey with you. So if they happen to have a support system that is fairly, that’s positive, not fairly positive, but that is positive, then I would encourage them to link up with one of their supports for accountability. And there are things like, there are tools like Covenant Eyes. Covenant Eyes is a tool that you can put on your electronic devices so that

It kind of keeps you honest because it will send a report to whoever your accountability person is as to like where you’re traveling online. So that can be something or celebrate recovery is a is a group. have locations in many different states. It’s a Christ centered recovery program and that could be recovery from a lot of things. I usually have heard of celebrate recovery as a related to like addiction to drugs or alcohol, but they actually will.

help with addictions of many different types, trying to recover of many different things. So celebrate recovery is another tool. And, you know, some churches also have groups on this. And so, you know, a church group or a life group that they have, you know, going to your trusted pastor or lay leader in the church.

Camille McDaniel, LPC (26:35.212)
to be able to just have someone else who will stand with you in this. just understanding that secrecy is one of the things that has been causing you to stand alone. And so the opposite of that is what can help you to stand in strength, knowing that you are actually not the only one. And this is a big, big issue all over the world from people of many different ages. So.

That’s kind of what I wanted to talk about today had been really, you know, on my heart, kind of heavy as I can continue to just see how, how lies are told about all of this with pornography and I’m sitting and I’m seeing how it is impacting those that I provide counseling support for and has over the years caused issues with those who were younger.

and even those who are adults. And so I pray that this episode helps you to help others or helps you directly and that we can continue to do a good work that we have been placed on this earth to do. So until next time, God bless.

Ep. 16 Breaking Free Addressing the Darkness of Pornography