Ethically Addressing Sin and Harmful Behavior in Christian Counseling

Camille McDaniel (00:00)
Before we start our episode today, I’m excited to officially share on the podcast that Christ in Private Practice is now an approved continuing education provider through NBCC. And you may have already seen this on our social media platforms. You may have actually received the information through our newsletter, but I wanted to just officially state it.

on a podcast episode, because this is going to allow us to offer continuing education opportunities for mental health professionals like yourself and for new and seasoned professionals who are looking for additional information and training that integrates their faith. And there is actually a training that is coming to you soon that is not faith-based, but it is.

physiologically based. And so that actually is going to be coming out June 19th, which is a Friday from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. And guess what’s so wonderful? If you are not able to be with us live, you can catch the replay and you can still qualify for the four continuing education credit hours that are available.

for that training. There’s more information on the Christ in Private Practice website, but I wanted to just officially share that we will be able to now do trainings and podcast episodes and home studies and they will qualify for continuing education credit. I’m just really excited and I wanted to make sure that I mentioned that first.

Today’s episode is titled, Ethically Addressing Sin and Harmful Behavior in Christian Counseling. And it does qualify for one continuing education hour for those eligible professionals. So today we’re gonna be talking about something that ⁓ a lot of therapists kind of wrestle with, I think, and not so many may feel comfortable saying it, especially those of us who are integrating our

faith in Christ within the counseling practices that we offer. So we want to take a look at what do we do when clients behaviors are, they’re clearly creating some emotional or relational or psychological and spiritual harm. But you know, how do we address the issues ethically and how do we address it clinically and not to forget the compassion part, right? We want to be ethical. We want to be professional.

We wanna be compassionate when we’re addressing it without avoiding the conversation altogether. And we don’t wanna swing in the other direction and become too moralistic, if you will, in the whole process. And I’m sure that not just I, but you have probably witnessed examples of both. And so if we’re really honest, many Christian clinicians can kind of feel a tension here. Some therapists,

kind of become cautious because they don’t want to sound too judgmental that, and they don’t want to necessarily ⁓ be so, so careful that they end up avoiding, but sometimes they do. They’re so careful that they end up avoiding difficult conversations altogether, because they don’t want to seem as though they’re judging the client. They don’t want the client to feel shame, feel judged, right?

So the sessions will stay supportive emotionally, but then there’s like little accountability and there’s no gently challenging or deeper exploration that’s happening. And so something can be missed clinically there, you know, if we do that. But then there’s other clinicians who might move a little too quickly into the correction direction or the advice giving.

or spiritual interpretation before we fully understand what’s actually happening underneath the behavior and we want to be careful not to go in that direction either. I think most clinicians who are integrating faith, I think that most are really trying to find a middle ground, a healthy middle ground that balances both, especially when we have clients who are specifically coming seeking faith integrated care.

Because when clients are actually coming wanting their faith integrated into the counseling that they receive, they’re oftentimes hoping for more than just their symptoms to be reduced, but they do want understanding. ⁓ Understanding from a faith perspective. They wanna understand sometimes why they’re feeling spiritually disconnected.

Sometimes they want to know why certain patterns keep repeating. They want to know if there’s spiritual components to why patterns are repeating or showing up in their life or showing up in generational patterns. There’s a lot of questions, honestly, that may come up when your clients are wanting their faith integrated. They want to know why they are feeling this internal conflict and how does faith intersect with choices.

that are being made that they’re making. So ethically, it’s really more important to recognize that many clients who want their Christian faith integrated, they don’t want their therapist to separate totally from the spiritual part of the conversation. ⁓ What they’re looking for though is that they will be handled with compassion.

you know, be handled professionally and ethically. They don’t want to be humiliated. They don’t want to be condemned. ⁓ that’s an important thing for us to look at and find that wonderful balance, right? So that’s really what today’s conversation is gonna be about. We’re gonna talk about ethical faith integration and informed consent and, you know, how shame might pop up and how we wanna

ask permission and how do we get all of that so that we can bring the spiritual into the room and we can give a really good experience for our clients both ⁓ clinically and we want to be able to ethically, professionally, compassionately provide the care that they need for their mind and for their spirit as well. So one of the reasons that I think this topic sometimes feels uncomfortable is because

There are a lot of us in the mental health profession that have, like I said a little earlier, we’ve seen ⁓ examples where maybe we’ve even experienced examples where things have maybe gone a little too far to the left, a little too far to the right. And there there are some of us who grew up in environments where almost every struggle

was kind of labeled a sin. So if you had doubt, if you had questions of God, that was sinful. Anxiety, sinful. If you had any sadness, that was sinful. If you wanted to put boundaries in place to feel more comfortable, more safe, that was sinful. Talking about certain traumatic experiences, that was all sinful. So understandably,

There actually may be some therapists who are listening who they work very hard not to shame clients, not to make everything about sin. Sometimes now in trying to avoid any shame, you can find yourself swinging too far away from difficult conversations and not really address.

destructive behaviors that might be coming up or avoiding behaviors that you know might be coming up that are just providing the client with a lot of turmoil or chaos in their life.

The clients as well, clients can also feel this too. So clients may be sitting in front of us when we are not addressing things, like when we are avoiding things because we want to be very careful to kind of tote that line of not being judgmental and not shaming and not embarrassing, you know, but we kind of step too far back. And then clients might be actually sitting with us in the session and they’re thinking like, hmm.

I mean, I know my behavior is kind of harmful. That’s why I’m kind of bringing it up a little, but they’re not really saying anything. So maybe it’s not that bad. Maybe I’m really overthinking this. Because if it was maybe concerning, I’m sure my therapist would bring it up, right? Now, there are some clients who are a bit bolder. So you and you may be familiar with how this goes.

Some clients are going to ask you directly. Now, you didn’t say anything about what I just told you. mean, are you not saying anything because you don’t really think it’s a problem? You feel like everything’s all right? I mean, I’m on the right track? But there are some clients who very much will keep it in their head, keep it to themselves, and they will just do a lot of overthinking. ⁓ You have some clients they might be thinking like, know, hmm, I mean.

is probably going to be damaging to my marriage, you know, but I mean I don’t know. I think I’ll wait for the therapist to say something and just and then we’ll just go from there or or I know I know I’m changing. I know I’m kind of becoming somebody I don’t really want to become but I mean we haven’t really gotten there. Maybe I’m getting too too ahead of myself. I’ll just wait, I’ll just wait for the therapist to get to that part. I’m sure they’re getting to it. It’s probably a process, you know, it’s a step-by-step process and

And so I just have to be patient. I’ll just hold tight. I’m sure we’ll come around to it. So again, we want to be careful of the ripple effect that can happen when we do not address things that need to be addressed. We just have to be careful ⁓ how we do it. And sometimes our clients who are sitting back just observing what we’re doing, kind of taking in ⁓ what we’re saying or how we’re approaching things.

They may be actually hoping that someone will help them process the reality of what they’re bringing into the counseling room. They just want someone to process it with them safely, but they do want that honesty. At least in my experience, I know quite a few clients who want the honesty. They may be afraid of the judgment, but they would like honesty if it can come with compassion and not condemnation. So if we can do it and just not do it harshly,

you know, but being honest, you know, speaking the truth, speaking at love, because many clients who are coming and wanting a faith integration, they’re not asking for the therapist to pretend like the spiritual aspect of it is irrelevant. They’re actually asking for help to make sense of the tension that they’re already feeling internally. And this is where ethical

Christian counseling does require some assessment, some discernment ⁓ as we move forward. So let’s talk about what this looks like clinically. So a client may come into session and maybe they say something like, I think God is punishing me. I think it’s caught up to me and this is probably just God’s punishment for what I did or didn’t do.

Now as Christian clinicians, we do have to slow ourselves down at this point before we jump right in and immediately agree with that interpretation or jump right in and immediately start dismissing that interpretation because several things could actually be happening at once. The client might genuinely be experiencing some conviction over

choices that they have made and some conflict with their values and faith and how it’s all just kind of internally boiling over. But they may also have some background of maybe trauma as it relates to religious practices and religious environments where maybe for example suffering was interpreted as divine punishment.

something that you must have done wrong, even though the Bible does show that suffering has many different reasons behind it, and it’s not all sin related. But maybe your client learned ⁓ that they will, ⁓ because of their prior experiences, they associate hardship with rejection from God, punishment from God.

Or they may struggle with like scrupulosity, religious scrupulosity. They may struggle with depression or shame or some distorted beliefs that then cause them to interpret every difficulty through a lens of condemnation. And so this is why ⁓ clinical assessment and discernment really is important. Because instead of us rushing in,

to reassure our clients or to correct our clients, we wanna begin exploring the meaning behind their statements. If they say, I feel like God is just punishing me, we might ask them to tell me more about what makes this feel like punishment to you.

Or you might say, when did you first begin connecting struggle with the idea that God was angry with you? There’s, you know, there’s a lot of questions that you can ask them. How has your faith tradition and your faith journey historically, how has it kind of talked and informed you about suffering and about discipline and consequences? And so now the conversation is starting to become really clinically rich.

Right, you know, we’re getting a lot of information from our clients that allows us to really form an understanding of where some of these statements, where some of these things may be coming from. Because now we’re starting to explore their belief systems and what does the belief system look like to them? We might even start delving into like some attachment wounds and, you know, relationships with people in authority, shame.

and embarrassment or theology, what their understanding of their faith is. There might be some trauma and some emotional patterns and cognitive distortions, spiritual meaning making. There are so many things that could be going on all at once. So it’s important that we kind of take note of it because not every spiritually framed concern

is the same thing. So like you know everybody who comes and says like you know God is punishing me, I just feel like you know he’s disappointed in me or you know I really feel like I guess this is just you know what I get. It’s like well you know a couple of people might say the same thing and they may all have different understandings behind why they are saying that. So some clients might really be dealing with conviction.

You know, some people depending on what it is that has gone on, that they have said, not said, done, not done. But some are dealing with like shame. Some are dealing with unresolved issues as it relates to ⁓ religious topics and environments. And some might be dealing with some compulsive behaviors that they kind of feel they can’t get out of. you know, ethical.

ethical clinicians are going to kind of keep note of this in our minds and we’re just going to slow ourselves down so that we can tell the difference like what’s really going on here. We’re going to explore a little bit more with our clients based on what it is that they’re talking about and we’re not going to assume that the spiritual language that one person uses means the same thing across the board or even the language that we use.

that they’re understanding what we’re talking about. We really are going to have to make sure that things are clear and that things are explored. Now let’s, from there, let’s move into something that I think is very important clinically and ethically, and I know that you would agree with this, because this is, obviously this is a part of our code of ethics. ⁓ If a client is coming seeking faith integrated counseling,

We do want to make sure that, if they are coming for faith integrated counseling, we include the faith perspective when it is appropriate to do so and to explore that, But we want to make sure that we do that with their permission. We want to make sure that along the way that we are just getting permission in different ways. You can just say it in many different ways.

to make sure that you and the client are still on track with exploring the spiritual side of things. Because things happen, things change, and a client who wanted to deeply dive into the spiritual aspects as well as the mental health aspects, and if you’re taking a mind, body, spirit approach, then also the physical aspects, they might change and decide they don’t really wanna focus so much on one of those aspects anymore. They may say they don’t, you know, they’re really…

they’re not as concerned with the spiritual part of it, the faith-based part of it. So we want to make sure that we get permission. So for example, imagine that a client says, you know, I feel kind of spiritually numb lately. I feel totally disconnected. Like I can’t really even hear God so much. I don’t feel like he’s that close to me anymore. I feel disconnected.

during that time within your counseling space together, the client let’s say is also describing some behaviors that you know had taken place since the last time they saw you and these behaviors really conflict with their own values and their beliefs and and relationships and how they want to have relationships and and just integrity and at that point if we’re going to stay within our ethical lane

We don’t want to pretend that there’s not a spiritual dimension that’s being impacted by what they’re telling us and that it just doesn’t exist. But we also don’t want to force any spiritual interpretations onto the client. So instead, we want to invite that exploration that we were just talking about. And so we might say something like, you know, would it be helpful for us to explore whether some of these choices

are contributing to some, you know, some of the spiritual disconnection that you said you’re feeling, some of that, you know, distance from God that you said that you were feeling. Or, you know, you might, you might say it in a different way. say, you know, would you like to talk about how your faith and your understanding of your faith kind of, you know, ties into some of those internal conflicts that you’re experiencing at this time? That again, that’s like that way of asking the permission.

You know, so it’s not like necessarily saying, do I have permission to bring up your faith right now? No, it’s just inviting the client ⁓ to talk more, to explore more. You’re asking, can you go there? And then that keeps the client empowered. So the client, again, feels like they can ⁓ direct their own counseling experience.

but it also keeps the therapist, you know, as the person who is not shying away from things that you know are impacting your client. So you get to make it known because obviously if you’re bringing it up, there’s something there that you’re seeing, but then your client really is telling you whether they want to go there or not. Now, if it happens to be something that you…

⁓ you feel it’s really drastically impacting your client and the client really just doesn’t want to go there, then you can acknowledge to your client by saying maybe something like, I totally understand you’d like to not go there. I will say I am seeing something that, you know, that may be a significant impact in the area of spiritual, but absolutely, we will focus on the other aspects mental.

and physical if you are just not really comfortable with spiritual. And I’ll check in with you a little bit later just to see if maybe at another time that has changed for you but otherwise we’ll keep on moving forward. Again because you’re not going to be able to force that would be unethical but you are letting them know I am from a clinical standpoint seeing something that could really be impacting you in this area.

But I also understand that you’re not comfortable going in that direction right now. And that’s gonna be respected, yeah. Because we don’t want to, you know, we don’t want to as clinicians, we’re not in a position where we are their, you know, their pastor. The therapist is obviously not one of the Godheads. We’re not part of the Trinity, you know.

⁓ We’re not spiritually diagnosing anybody. Now I do know that there are ⁓ people who are part of the Christ in Private Practice, you know, listening community that may actually be ordained ministers. They may be pastors. They may have also simultaneously or well maybe not at the same time, but they have also gotten ⁓ their license in the mental health field.

So they have the ability and the training and all the studying and the practicing to actually know what’s going on from a pastorial perspective. But that’s ⁓ kind of like another, that’s another ethics training in itself. They just have to be very careful about that dual relationship. And at the onset, they have to be very, very clear in writing.

what the client will be getting from them. Are you getting counseling care or are you getting pastoral care? You know, are you presenting as their pastor or are you presenting as their therapist? Now if somebody actually goes to their church, then that’s a little bit more direct. Then you know you’re in the church setting, you’re seeing your pastor and if your pastor has also been trained in the area of mental health care, then they may at times be providing both but ethically if they are licensed.

they still will have to be very clear about that dual relationship and how they are going to communicate what you can expect out of your time with them. So we have to be really careful. And instead of us jumping into ⁓ those spiritually diagnosing clients or providing moral verdicts, we want to really instead, ⁓

help our clients to just process, really thoughtfully process their behaviors and their emotions and the relationships that are being impacted or that they are having with other people. And then how does that tie into their beliefs and what kinds of consequences do they notice coming up and what kind of consequences can you help them see from a professional standpoint? And how does this impact their identity and their spiritual wellbeing?

Many Christian clients, they do appreciate having a space for those types of conversations. Again, more, I think more often than not, people are nervous that they are going to be judged, they’re gonna be looked down on, and it’s really hard sometimes to conceptualize.

the idea that I can have this really raw, honest conversation with my therapist about things that are probably very, very ⁓ troubling and conflict deeply with the faith that I have told them I have and that they won’t treat me differently. That is something that people are concerned with. Will I be treated differently? And so we want to be able to, again, we want to come in truth, we want to come professionally, ethically.

and with great compassion. One of, I think one of the biggest dangers sometimes in these conversations that we may be having with our clients is just unintentionally like increasing judgment and feelings of judgment and feelings of shame. And clinically, shame pops up and it tends to drive people deeper into like hiding and secrecy.

you know, and hopelessness that they will never be able to ⁓ be able to talk about what’s really bothering them. They will never be able to take the mask off. And then they kind of may even fall into a pattern of then condemning themselves. But, you know, what because what what it really looks like when somebody has like just a healthy, normal ⁓ amount of like guilt, because it’s something that they just are like, ⁓ I shouldn’t have I shouldn’t have done that.

You know, they really may think to themselves, you know, I did do something kind of harmful. That wasn’t maybe the best idea. That wasn’t the best approach. But when it has a really like deep toxic shame filled component to it, then people start to see themselves as their mess up, as their mistake. So they then see themselves as a bad.

they’re fundamentally bad as a human being, or they may see themselves as damaged and unwanted, or they’re filthy, they’re beyond repair, beyond what anyone would be able to ⁓ help heal type of thing. And there’s a big difference between the healthy and the toxic, and we wanna be just really mindful of that and careful of that within the…

Christian counseling setting because some clients already carry a lot of shame and sometimes spiritual condemnation like before they ever walk into our counseling office. And part of ethical and compassionate care is making sure that we don’t intensify that shame under the guise of spiritual honesty.

And I know that I have examples of things that clients have shared with me about their experiences where someone may have been very ⁓ harsh in the way that they were saying things. And I’m not sure, you know, obviously what went along with it. I wasn’t there, but I know that sometimes some people have just said, well, you know what? It’s just, if you just stop sinning, that’s why you’re having all these problems. ⁓

And that kind of cuts us off from getting to the deeper underlying issues that might be contributing to why a client is presenting in the way that they are presenting or why a client is continuing to go through certain behavioral patterns and cycles that they don’t even like. Why it continues. Yeah, so we want to be kind of careful about that. because

the honesty, just being honest, that can, like I said, be the cover, the mask for being a little harsh. And we don’t wanna avoid touching on it all altogether, because that’s not gonna be helpful either. Because again, like we said earlier, like I was saying earlier, there are a lot of clients and they want honesty. They do, they want the honesty. They just want compassion, not condemnation. Like I was saying earlier, most people just, they don’t…

inter-therapy because life is feeling deeply peaceful and all aligned, right? They are obviously coming to us because there are some challenges, there are some problems. We already know that. We don’t, we don’t have the jobs and careers and the missions that we have because everything is going well. We have this mission, these gifts and talents, these careers because things are not going well at all.

So our clients are coming because something, yes, is conflicting internally. They know that. There could be a number of things that they’re struggling with that ⁓ could be under the umbrella of like sinful. Maybe they’re lying all the time, habitually. There might be some emotional involvement or some physical or sexual involvement outside of their marriage.

Maybe they are consumed with anger that they do not control well. Could be bitterness that’s eating away at them that is causing them to tear down relationships both in the workplace and maybe at home. Maybe they’re feeling disconnected in their faith altogether. There could be a number of things that fall under the umbrella and many Christian clients, they’re not asking us to really ignore the realities.

of how that might impact them spiritually, but they’re just asking for us to have some understanding and, and, you know, care with how we help them, you know, without just kind of crushing them in the process. And that balance is obviously very important because, you know, we don’t want to necessarily pretend like some of the destructive behavior that we, we might be hearing them share with us is harmless, but we want to make sure that we can

give accountability or provide accountability without humiliation. so let’s not reflect it at this point. Let’s kind of walk through an example and then I’ll just kind of give some considerations, some wording for your consideration. So imagine that you have a client, yes, they’re coming for faith integration. They want their Christian faith integrated into their counseling experience.

And they come into a session and they share with you that maybe they have become emotionally attached to somebody who is not their spouse, ⁓ not their spouse at all, but they are finding themselves more and more drawn into this person and they’re thinking about this person ⁓ more and more frequently day and night, at work, at home. Nothing physical has happened yet, but…

they are concerned that it is heading in a very dangerous direction. So let’s kind of think on, let’s kind of sit with what we are noticing. ⁓ As we are listening to our client describe how they are feeling emotionally tied and in turmoil with this individual who’s not their spouse, we are simultaneously processing in our minds, okay?

What are we hearing? What are the patterns? What could be the underlying roots? Am I hearing things about emotional vulnerability? Have I heard some things in the past? Could that be connecting to what they’re telling me now? Any attachment needs? I, you know, any loneliness that might be, you know, kind of facilitating some of the choices that they’re bringing up? What’s going on that’s leading them down this path? ⁓ Do they have any fantasy around this that is kind of pushing?

or making it seem rosier than it really is and any relationship dissatisfaction, what are boundaries looking like? Where are there value conflicts popping up? Any spiritual distress?

you know, that’s a lot happening, right, while we’re listening to our clients. Which, if I can just go off to the side for a quick moment, let me just pause here and say, and that’s why when people are like, so counseling is just like, you’re just sitting and talking to somebody, absolutely not. The amount of information that we are holding while simultaneously listening to our clients, while we are trying to figure out patterns that might be popping up,

things that were shared several sessions ago and how that might connect to what they’re sharing right now, themes that might be popping up while they’re sharing of different things and how that might then be facilitating some kind of underlying issue that we need to address, that we need to extinguish. There’s just so much. There’s just so much. So anyway, back to what we were talking about.

your client is telling you about this emotional connection that she or he has developed with somebody who is not their spouse you are then looking for a multitude of other things that could be Contributing that could be at the root because what they are telling you is possibly a symptom of something that is going on much deeper and if we are

kind of thinking this through because there’s so much happening clinically, an unhelpful response would be harsh and correcting and it’d be like moral panic, if you will. Like it could easily go into a space of, well, what do you think God would say about that? If God could talk to you directly and what do you think the Bible actually says about that?

We just kind of are bypassing all of the root causes, the root issues, and we’re going straight to the moral correction, right? know, the what would God say, the this is sin, and it just needs to stop. And it’s like, well, wait a minute. The person already knows that something’s not right here, which is why they’re telling you. And sometimes when they’re telling you, you can even see a little bit of a squirming a little bit on their face or discomfort sometimes, sometimes.

Maybe not every single time, but they’re telling you because they know this is probably not something I should engage in. This is probably not something that aligns with what I have shared as my faith and the value system that I hold dear. but I just can’t seem to get out of it. I don’t know what’s going on. And that is why they are bringing it to us, not for us to tell them it’s wrong because they are telling us because they know it’s not something they need to continue doing. And so instead,

of going straight for moral correction and we don’t want to do that. Instead, it might be something along the lines of saying it sounds like part of your distress is that this situation conflicts with your values, your marriage, your faith. Would it be helpful for us to then explore maybe some of those layers together?

and look at what’s popping up, what patterns might be showing, what areas of vulnerability might be present that maybe you’re not able to see because you’re already in it. See how that, that just sounds different altogether. That is what we talked about earlier, getting permission to explore what is happening and allowing the faith to be integrated. And then if your client is like, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I’d like to do that. Now, the response that we have given, it is not only allowing them to feel heard, so it’s validating the distress, but it is also inviting them to explore more behind the distress, allows them to still be in control of themselves and their life journey and life path, so they maintain their autonomy.

but it opens the door for deeper clinical work. And then for us as mental health professionals, we can explore unmet emotional needs, maybe conflict avoidance, or maybe some attachment wounds, some communication patterns that are faulty, self-esteem and worth.

that needs to be looked at and maybe some impulsivity challenges or resentment. I there could be a lot of things that we may need to look at, some unresolved pain within their marriage. So if the client wants to discuss spirituality and their faith even more, now the therapist can responsibly, can ethically, can compassionately explore that.

And you know, that might be explored with like questions like, how do you think some of these choices that you just shared with me that you’ve been making, how do you think they’re affecting your sense of spiritual peace or alignment with the Lord? See? Listen to how that even sounds. We’re still getting to the truth of the matter, but look at how we can do that in ways that don’t seem or sound condemning.

Right? That’s very different from what do you think God would say about this? What do you think the Bible says about this? Right? I mean, it’s like, well, you know, you know, because you shared with me, your therapist, you know that this doesn’t align with your faith walk. That’s why you shared it. That’s why you shared it in the way that you shared it, with the tone that you shared it, or with the facial expression that you shared it. You know, that’s why you shared it. So let us just get to

doing the work so that we can get you out of this quagmire. Okay. One of the things that I also want to kind of just touch on is I also think that there is something important that clinicians who are integrating faith kind of can learn from Jesus himself because he oftentimes with

account after account after account within the Bible, ⁓ Jesus was encountering people who were struggling, right? ⁓ Which is why he had to come and help us in the first place. But with people who were struggling. Now yes, there are moments, so I’m going to preface it by saying I do understand there were moments in scripture where Jesus was very direct.

and he just confronted the issue at hand or confronted the person directly and you know and that was that. But there were other times where ⁓ his interactions with people were very compassionate. They were very honest but they were

they were caring. You know, they weren’t just super directed to the point. I believe I should correct myself in saying that in all the things that Christ did, he was caring. That’s why he did them, because he cared. But I mean, in the way that he talked with some of the people, it was a little softer. It was, you know, there was just more patience. There was more time given.

and that was because it was different circumstances. And so, you know, we want to kind of look at that, where he had interactions that we could take from as a model.

in the counseling field and kind of mimic that when we are working with our clients and they are sharing things with us about things done or not done said or not said that don’t align with the value system and the faith that they said that they hold dear. I’m reminded of like

the woman at the well that Jesus spoke to. She was like, first of all, surprised that he was going to speak to her because she was not a Jew. ⁓ And ⁓ then how he kind of told her about the things that she was participating in in life that, you know, ⁓ that really essentially he’s like, I could offer you more. You know, if you just knew who you were talking to, I could offer you more.

And the woman who was going to be the other woman who was going to be stoned as she was caught in the act of adultery and how he dealt with her. Again, you know, they approached him with what she had done. He was bending down on the floor writing something in the dirt and, you know.

according to the scriptures, it’s kind of like he was not really paying them any attention a little bit and then, you know, he got up and then eventually, you know, after they said more about her and sure she’s like embarrassed and everything at this point in time, but they said more about her and then he’s like, right, well he who is without sin cast the first stone, you know, and eventually one by one ⁓ they left ⁓ and he looked at her and he’s like, where are your accusers?

Right? And he told her to go on ⁓ and sin no more. That part always, that part always gives me, because it’s like, you know what? He was so compassionate, but he still said what he said. Like, it’s like, you still weren’t right, but go on and stop doing that. Right?

There are, you know, those examples and there are more, but those examples where we can help our clients to address problematic behaviors in ways that are ethical, professional, and compassionate. You know, we can invite them to explore more. We can, you know, have an understanding that we’re all human and we’re not always going to

make the greatest choices. But we can get clear on the patterns that are keeping us stuck and on the behaviors that continue to be ⁓ fruitless and unfulfilling in our lives. And I think clinically that can allow us to do some really good work. Because people tend to change.

They’re more effective in their change in environments where they feel safe, where they feel safe enough to be very honest and transparent. ⁓ And people do not do that. They’re not just, you know, forthcoming with things that are probably gonna be very embarrassing ⁓ that could bring judgment if they had told other people. They will not share it in environments where they feel like they’re just going to be crushed.

and they’re just going to be made to feel like tiny, tiny, small and significant, like they just should have never done that and how could you even think of doing that type of thing?

But ⁓ I think sometimes that’s where it can be a little difficult for mental health professionals to find just that balance. We don’t want to swing away from talking about things that need to be talked about, but we just have to find that healthy middle like I talked about at the beginning. And I think that healthy middle is a combination of compassion and truth and ethics and professionalism. Yeah. So.

Before our time together in this episode comes to an end, I want to just briefly talk about just a few common pitfalls. ⁓

So one of the common pitfalls is avoiding difficult conversations entirely because we fear ⁓ that we’re going to sound judgmental if we bring it up. Again, it’s all in how you say it. Like we talked about, you know, we can invite the client in to explore more. We can get that permission without sounding judgmental. Another

Pitfall is like moving too quickly into spiritual interpretation before we fully understand where the client is coming from clinically. What’s going on? What made them say what they say? What is their interpretation of what happened? And what’s the full story? Another pitfall is confusing.

them really being convicted. Like let’s say the the Holy Spirit really is convicting them because there was something that they they should not have done and so they’re they were just feeling that conviction versus scrupulosity which religious scrupulosity hangs under obsessive compulsive disorder but of a religious type. Okay so there’s conviction, genuine conviction ⁓ and then there’s scrupulosity.

are more like shame based, trauma based and kind of keeps a person in a very unhealthy loop as it relates to their faith. And maybe in a later episode we’ll talk about religious scrupulosity but definitely there’s a lot of information about that online as well. Another pitfall is using like spiritual language to just kind of bypass

⁓ what could be legitimate mental health conditions like OCD, you know, like those loops and and I understand that ⁓ that’s where it can sometimes get a little confusing too because some also see like mental health is also a part of many different things spiritually as well. But again, I would say all health challenges

are not associated with just sin. Like remember the story about the the blind man who Jesus ⁓ basically restored his sight and everyone was like convinced that you know your parents must have sinned, they must have done something wrong and it turns out it was none of that. That ⁓ his particular condition ⁓

would set the platform just for people to see how good God is and God’s miraculous and wondrous works.

So we have to also be careful that sometimes the spiritual language that we’re using doesn’t just overlook real issues that could be going on. Now the real issues could be going on due to something genetics, due to something in the environment, due to something spiritual, due to a number of things. But we just want to be careful that we’re keeping our eyes open due to something medical. We want to just keep our eyes open that we don’t get in such a spiritual zone that we

We

are not ⁓ hearing and discerning what all could be going on. Okay.

And then the and then the last thing that I talked about before is just we want to just make sure that we’re we’re not the spiritual enforcers here. We’re not we’re not the spiritual belief. Our role here is to help our clients to explore patterns and beliefs and behaviors and spiritual experiences when that’s what they say they would like integrated and emotional experiences and consequences from a thoughtful, ethical, compassionate, professional ⁓ point of view. Yeah.

So I want to encourage all of the therapists who are listening to this episode ⁓ to make sure to really dive in to operating in that compassionate, truthful, healthy middle. Not to be afraid of conversations where you notice that your client is engaging in something that goes against what they said they would like to see for their own life. What they say they…

actually even enjoy or find fulfilling in their own life, especially when these things are creating consequences for them that are producing stagnation and, you know, keeping them in loops of chaos and hurt and harm. So clients are dealing with a lot of deep emotional and relational and spiritual tensions for sure. And some of those things are happening long before they ever come to our office. Yeah.

And many people are relieved when they encounter a therapist who can actually approach these struggles with wisdom and with compassion. Ethical Christian counseling does not require us to be silent around harmful behavior, but it does require, you know, humility and discernment, informed consent for sure. ⁓

clinical competence. you know, if we’re uncomfortable, we have to get our consultations and get our additional training. We have respect for the fact that the client at the end of the day has free will to choose to do or not do how they want to. And we can explore spiritual concerns by just inviting our client to go deeper. And if they give us permission, then we can do so. So,

I hope that we are moving forward toward this healing, integrative approach. ⁓ And I thank you for joining me for this episode. Don’t forget, you can actually get that one CE for listening to this episode. And you can find out more about all the CEs that are offered if you go to www.christinprivatepractice.com.

Again, thank you so much. enjoy, enjoy, enjoy talking with you. Until we meet again, God bless.